Working with the Poor: Dead End Ahead

“They won’t respond to us.  We’ve reached out but they are not interested in reconciliation. They want the relationship to end.”

Melissa, Jonathan and Noella were shocked.  This is not what they expected.  After all, they had poured into the lives of the two students who had attended their Jobs for Life class. 

They had begun the class last September with two students, refugees who had dropped out of school at the age of 13, living isolated in public housing on $270/month, and struggling with anger, bitterness, confidence and a lack of self-worth.

But the class gave them hope.  One dreamed of becoming a makeup artist, the other wanted to get further training in computers.  During the class, they literally could not read Psalm139 out loud without laughing because it was so foreign for them to grasp anyone would care for and value them.   

They not only read about it, they experienced it firsthand.  Melissa, Jonathan and Noella gave their lives to the students, opened doors for them in the community to pursue work opportunities, and were present when critical needs came up.

Graduation was a celebration with an elaborate feast.  Friends came and celebrated with the students the awarding of their diplomas.  Everyone was filled with joy and satisfaction.

Then…silence.

After graduation, the team’s efforts to connect with the students were met with rejection. 

“We’d go to their home and knock on the door but they wouldn’t answer.  We later found out they were angry with us.”

“What did we do wrong? Why in the world would they be angry?”

On the front cover of the Jobs for Life class materials, it reads, “The Journey is the Reward.”  But what if the journey leads to a Dead End? 

In 2 Corinthians 5:14-16, the apostle Paul writes,

“For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again. So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer.” 2 Corinthians 5:14-16

Having given themselves for years to those in need, Melissa, Jonathan and Noella’s trust in Christ compelled them to see the students no longer from a worldly point of view.

Melissa recounts,

“The problems students come with go so much deeper than economic need, and all told, the amount of time we spend with them is hardly sufficient to help them heal those wounds. We hope to begin to help them down that road, but we ought not be surprised if we catch less than friendly fire in the process.  We realize their reaction comes out of their brokenness, that is to say, it comes ultimately out of a poverty we have in common with them. So, we are moving forward.”

They are now in Week 5 of their second Jobs for Life class with three new students.  Thankfully, the journey didn’t lead to a Dead End after all.  

David Spickard, President & CEO

I Struggled to Believe that God Loved Me…

With Valentine’s Day approaching, everyone is looking to how they can share their love for one another.  On this day, love will be shared in every form.  Flowers will be delivered, chocolates will be indulged, and candlelight dinner conversations will be had.   However, at the end of the day, none of these things will last.

Today, men and women around the world crave this tangible love – something they can see, feel, and touch.  Women and men alike want to be loved and appreciated, but what they don’t know is that they are already loved by someone who died to know them.

I have struggled over the years with different forms of love.  I have put my whole heart into believing that the love from a man was the only form of love I needed.  I’ve struggled with trying to love others who have hurt me in the past.  I’ve struggled with loving others who were different from me.  I even struggled to believe that God loved me…

I believed I was a Christian for a year before actually giving my life to Christ. I thought that being a part of my college’s campus ministry, going to church, and having Christian friends made me a Christian.

But I was missing one thing…. I didn’t believe the Gospel. 

I didn’t believe that God loved me, I didn’t believe that He forgave me for the sins I committed against him, and from this I carried the weight of shame and disappointment on my shoulders for years.

On November 5, 2009, my life drastically changed.  I learned that God demonstrated his unconditional love by sending his son Jesus to bare my sins and shame on the cross and die the death that I should have died.  No matter what sins I committed in the past, and still commit today, God’s love is everlasting!  

I pray for the men and women around the world that are struggling to believe that God loves them.  I pray for them to become connected to a community that will speak truth into their lives, and I pray for them to understand that God’s love is enough!

I am so thankful to be a part of Jobs for Life, an organization where its volunteers and staff pour God’s love onto those impacted by joblessness.  Not only do they love them through triumphs and hardships, more importantly, they help to show them why God loves them.

This Valentine’s Day, don’t allow flowers, candy, and dinners to make you feel appreciated and loved.  One thing I have taken away from my relationship with God is that His love will always remain steadfast and true, and that’s a love we can trust.

Laurel DeLuca, Development Support Specialist

That Scene from The Help Still Haunts Me

Three years ago I watched The Help and was deeply impacted by the social commentary that the book/movie tackled.  So much so in fact, that one three minute scene opened my eyes and has stuck with me ever since.

In this particular scene, the “well-meaning” women of 1960 Jackson, Miss. put on their annual banquet for the “Poor Starving Children of Africa.”  While there are certainly poor and starving children in Africa, what was depicted was anything but a benefit for many reasons:

1. It was much more about the inter-workings of the Mississippi “upper-class” than the cause of those in Africa.
2. They paraded “the help” out front for a simple round of applause.
3. Those in leadership really felt they were doing all they could and couldn’t see their hypocrisy.

Meanwhile, in Jackson, Miss. in the 1960’s, leaders such as John Perkins were fighting the real battles for dignity and rights.  In comparing that scene with what Perkins describes as happening only miles from where that “benefit” would have taken place, it is hard to comprehend the ignorance and blind malice that took place.

1. “In between beating us, these men made me get down on my hands and knees and wipe up my blood, yelling at me for getting their nice clean floor all dirty.”
2. “I knew then the potential for evil within the human heart.”
3. “They were pro-segregation, pro white superiority, and anti black.  In 1960, racism was alive and healthy in Dixie.”

*Quotes taken from He’s My Brother, by John Perkins and Thomas Tarrants

Depending on who you ask, in many ways, the USA as a whole has come a long way since 1960 and I’m thankful for that.  There are no longer laws that demand racial segregation and each citizen has the right to a vote.  Of course in many states, including North Carolina, there are battles raging about how far we’ve really come.  So, as I watched that scene from The Help, judging those “upper class” leaders for their callous, unloving, even hatred filled actions, I began to ask myself similar questions:

1. Are there ways that I am “serving and loving,” but actually only humoring myself?
2. Are there deeper systems of injustice that I simply accept, but that really have racist, classist, sexist undertones?
3. Finally, as someone whose job description includes organizing and leading “benefits” like the one in the movie, I wonder who is really benefitting and how can I include more voices in the overall narrative?

There are no easy answers, but I have realized more and more the value of asking introspective and community focused questions, even in looking in the mirror.  I’ve also appreciated the insights of Bob Lupton in Toxic Charity, the example of Nehemiah’s repentance in Nehemiah 5, and the leadership of my co-workers at Jobs for Life and groups like CCDA in helping me wrestle with these topics.

54 years ago, faithful people were willing to ask these questions and fight these battles.  I pray that I, that we, would have the courage to fight them for the next 54 years as well.  The great news is that Christ’s example of selfless love has already given us an example how to proceed.

May we all live with eyes wide open.

– Daniel Alexander, JfL Field Director, Triangle Area NC

SCHOOL TO PRISON PIPELINE

Everyday thousands of African American males drop out of high school, with far too many headed to our nation’s juvenile detention centers and adult prisons.  In urban communities the graduation rate has plummeted to less than 20% and nationwide, fewer than 50% of young black males will experience graduation.

The “school-to-prison pipeline” refers to the policies and practices that push our nation’s schoolchildren, especially our most at-risk children, out of classrooms and into the juvenile and criminal justice system. This pipeline reflects the prioritization of incarceration over education.  They argue that this “pipeline” is the result of public institutions neglecting to properly address students as individuals who might need extra educational or social assistance, or being able to do so because of staffing shortages or statutory mandates.  The resulting miseducation and mass incarceration are said to create a vicious cycle for individuals and communities.

 In the media, we hear countless stories about the devastating impact of juvenile incarceration in America.  Reports show that “one out of three” of African American males will be incarcerated before the age of eighteen.  For a growing number of students the path to incarceration begins with the following stops:

1. Failing Public Schools – Inadequate resources increases disengagement and dropouts, increasing the risk of later court involvement.
2. Zero – Tolerance and Other School Discipline – Overly harsh disciplinary actions push students down the pipeline and into the juvenile justice system.
3. Policing School Hallways – Increased reliance on police rather than teachers and administrators to maintain discipline.
4. Disciplinary Alternative Schools – Students who enter the juvenile justice system face many barriers to their re-entry into traditional schools.
5. Court Involvement and Juvenile Detention – Students pushed along the pipeline finds themselves in juvenile detention facilities.

 Ministerial, Educational and Community Leaders around the globe are asking the question, “What do we do”? They are trying to figure out – how do we help students who are forced out of school for “disruptive behavior” and sent back to their home environments filled with negative influence? Those who have become bitter hardened or confused because they have lived most of their lives in poverty or being shuffled from one foster home to the next. Or those who decide to commit crimes in their communities?

The U.S. has the highest incarceration in the world and my hope as a mom of an African American son would be that the community at large would embrace our African American youth without the stereotypes or negative stigmas that are typically used to identify them. Also invite local leaders from the community (Pastors, Principals, Law Enforcement, etc.) to the table to create solutions that would attack the social injustices that continue to create systemic oppression for low-income families. Connect with local organizations that target youth experiencing a lack of identity.  Finally, pray that the walls that continue to enforce racial divide and social injustice would be destroyed.

At Jobs for Life we have a curriculum that targets young adults between the ages of 16-23 called Powered for Life that is designed to equip and train disadvantaged youth to obtain meaningful employment and experience the abundance of God’s provision.

Please join us!  Together we can make a difference!

Shay Bethea – Director of Training & Leadership Development

Trinkets, Surrogates and the Tragically Hip

I like gift shops.

I like them because they give me the ability to tangibly ‘own’ a piece of an experience I enjoyed.  They are physical reminders that not only remind me of the experience, they also make our Christmas tree glow with nostalgia each December.

Have you ever noticed that most gift shops are located – like strategically-placed chocolate in the grocery store checkout line – on the way out? (Yes, the gift shops at the airport are for the people leaving, not those arriving).  This locale ‘plays’ on impulsiveness and emotion.  Most items in a gift shop are nothing more than miniature, overpriced ‘trinkets,’ but they represent something real we’ve just experienced – and so we buy them.

If the Gift Shop came first – before the real experience, it’s reduced to a room of ‘trinkets.’  Without the experience, there is little value in the ‘trinkets.’

Would you be content only exploring gift shops, buying whatever caught your attention, and skipping out on experiencing the main attraction?

I thought about this question over the holidays as we visited Ivy Green, Helen Keller’s childhood home, with our two nieces from Canada (ages 8 and 6).  The girls had studied this remarkable woman in school and so last fall, when my wife and I first visited Ivy Green, we bought them a gift from the gift shop and sent it to them.
Sure, it was nice of us to send them a gift. It made us feel good and they really appreciated it. But the gift came to them without the ‘experience’ of being there, it came without the ‘memories,’ it came without a ‘journey’.  As such, our nieces asked, ‘the next time we visit, will you take us to Ivy Green, please?!’  This wasn’t being ungrateful; they were voicing a truth within a relationship.  They knew 2 things:

1. Actually being there would be better than the surrogate ‘experience’ we sent through the mail.
2. Being there with us would be special.

Although not always possible to accommodate, we knew these things, too.

Going to Tuscumbia, Alabama meant overcoming the logistical challenges of a journey. Their wonder at being in Helen Keller’s home and our joy of the shared experience made the challenges worth it.

When we work – we are experiencing something we were created to do.  Our jobs–however tedious they seem at times–give us context that helps us understand our God-given value, purpose and dignity. Every time we buy something we need or want, we’re making a Gift Shop purchase that deep down, connects us back to the reality of how God provides for us through the work of our hands.

Most people are materially poor because – for diverse and nuanced reasons – they don’t experience work.  They live only in the Gift Shop.

Those who care for the poor usually demonstrate this care by giving gifts (directly or indirectly) that meet apparent needs and wants.  Gifts are given with good intentions. Gifts almost always get smiles, words of appreciation and conjure feelings of goodness.  They seem nice, and except for times of crisis, they are just like the Ivy Green Gift Shop gift – they are ‘trinkets’ from a foreign place or foreign experience – they are Gift Shop ‘surrogates’ for the dignity found in work.

What would be better, and deep down we all know this to be true, is the opportunity of relationship, the challenge of a journey, and the experience of using God-given talents and abilities in a job. This is the wonder and joy of experiencing something meaningful and something real, together.  This is JOBS for LIFE.

We believe that when the Church, Christ’s people, enter into relationship and journey with people in need, there is an opportunity for those in need to experience the dignity of work and for all to experience the ultimate reality of Christ.

I still like Gift Shops, but I love shared journeys and experiencing the real thing.

And after a glimpse
Over the top
The rest of the world
Becomes a gift shop

(an excerpt from ‘Gift Shop’ by The Tragically Hip)

Marten Fadelle, Middle TN Field Director, Jobs for Life

My Gifts: Four Guys, Four Ladies, Two Red Heads and a Chief Encouragement Officer

I love my job! How often do you hear that? I rarely hear it. Usually when you hear about someone’s workplace there is an underlying tone of drudgery, hardship, and I can’t wait until its Friday attitude. And I cannot tell a lie. I have experienced this negative sentiment in prior years.  There are many reasons why I, like so many others, have felt this way. Burnout, glass ceilings, position lacking passion, and an inadequate understanding of work are all reasons why people hate their jobs. (If it is difficult for you to see the divine nature of your work, you should read Chris Horst’s, blog “I’m Living the Dream”. It will bless you and give you a greater understanding about the blessing of all work.)

But, back to why I love my job.  There are so many reasons, but one in particular that keeps me going each day. You may guess it is because of Jobs for Life’s mission and impact. We engage and equip hundreds of churches to address the devastating impacts of joblessness through the dignity of work. As a result, over 4,000 men and women were served this year. That’s a blessing and I’m grateful for how God has worked. But when you work in the background like I do it gets difficult to keep this reality in the forefront. What keeps me going and is one of the best parts of my job is working with my colleagues – Four guys, four ladies, two red heads and a chief encouragement officer. They are committed, hardworking and talented beyond measure. They all have gifts that I get to receive each day. One has the gift of giving grace. One has the gift to gather and inspire. Another the gift of unwavering faith. And another the gift of connecting and building meaningful relationships.

And now, we have a new colleague that has joined Jobs for Life.  Laurel DeLuca is the new Development Support Specialist. She is responsible for helping us care for and serve our donors well.  In addition to her experience in fundraising, we are excited about Laurel joining our team because of her love for Jesus and how she has demonstrated her ability to work well with others. I can’t wait to see how God will use Laurel to bless Jobs for Life and build His Kingdom.

Don’t get me wrong. It is not always roses and sunshine. We have been thrust into the complexities and struggles of humanity, sin and miscommunication. By God’s grace and His Holy Spirit we have overcome and have sought to understand and reconcile. But, more often than not, encouragement, respect, humility, a whole lot of prayer and even more laughter is what I witness regularly.

So, this Christmas, I admonish you to think of all the gifts that work alongside you each and everyday. Someone covered for you. A manager took you underneath his/her wing. That administrative assistant encouraged you. And someone took a chance on you. If you think about it, you will realize that you have received thousands of gifts with value that is priceless and eternal. That’s what I’m thinking about this year: my gifts – four guys, four ladies, two red heads and a chief encouragement officer.

Merry Christmas to my JfL family!

The Pope’s comments are NOT just dreams

Christians are often like the media.  We like to nit-pick, focus on the problems, and talk about what isn’t working.  We even take it one step further and talk about how it is theologically foundational that we are sinful and how it’ll never change.

We gripe about the failings and schisms of the church and we lose sight of the fact that the church already IS the vehicle for the light of the world.  Christ entered the world and it was a game changer.  He set up the church and it WILL NOT fail.

Recently Pope Francis issued this statement:

I prefer a church which is bruised, hurting and dirty because it has been out on the streets, rather than a church which is unhealthy from being confined and from clinging to its own security.

If we’re not careful, we’ll interpret this quote as a dream statement rather than a reality statement, or worse, we’ll dwell in the condemnation of what the church is not rather than what it is.  After 2 years as a part of JFL, I feel uniquely blessed to be able to confirm that there are thousands of reasons why this is a reality statement.

Daily I see faithful people taking actions that the world would call miraculous.  AND I AM ENCOURAGED.

Weekly, I also see churches taking these actions in the context of community, which is even more INSPIRING. This fall I sat with an Outreach pastor of a local church and listened to her list off the dozens of outreach activities of her church members.  It was at that moment that I vowed never to criticize the Church again for “not doing anything.”  We may not always serve and love correctly, but certainly the Church is alive and active.

Last week we had a JFL Breakfast of Champions in Raleigh where there were over 20 churches, 25 businesses, 15 non-profits, and various government agencies represented.  As we discussed the quote from the Pope, it became quite apparent.  The church in Raleigh and beyond CURRENTLY loves as a broken, hurting, and dirty servant of the community.

There is a Church in Nashville that has entered into life with a broken and brave man, named Alonzo.  You can watch THEIR story here.  Or, there is another man named Chris who has been loved on by Jesus was Homeless Church in Branson, TN.  Watch THEIR story here.

And it’s not just through JfL.  Inside and outside the walls we: give, serve, love, care, share, fellowship, sacrifice.  I see churches opening their doors for the homeless, tutoring the fatherless, surrounding the widow, rescuing sex trafficking victims, embracing the broken family, freeing slaves, and empowering entrepreneurs in foreign countries.

So, this Christmas, let us celebrate.  Let us celebrate that God entered the world as a helpless baby, in a dirty manger, surrounded by smelly farm animals, to a teenage girl from a no-name town.  AND He has never left.  Let us celebrate that, though we are broken, He is using us as bruised, hurting, and dirty vessels to be that continual light in the world.

A Holiday Giving Guide: Stop Giving to the Poor

Recently, a friend of mine, Stephanie, shared with me an experience she and her family had last year during the holidays. They had been invited by friends to be on the receiving end of a toy giveaway program a local organization was doing for low income families.

Stephanie’s family normally wouldn’t be on the receiving end of such a program. They live comfortably and have no need for this type of assistance, but they were invited by a family in their neighborhood who did have need and wanted Stephanie’s family to go with them.

Stephanie felt honored to join them and loved the opportunity to deepen her family’s relationship with their friends.  Unfortunately, the experience fell far short of their expectations. In fact, as Stephanie described it, “it was humbling, humiliating, and infuriating.”

Her experience wasn’t unlike others I have heard over the years from recipients of holiday giving programs. For those of us usually on the giving end, we might be shocked at what our good intentions create for those who receive our giving.

“I was willing to subject myself to humiliation for the sake of my kids,” said one recipient after I asked her to describe her experience. “We’d stand in line to receive the gifts and on the outside I looked joyful and appreciative but on the inside I felt worthless, incapable of providing for my children, and poor.”

She went on to say, “We could only pick out two toys. I hated the way the happy volunteers watched us like a hawk to make sure we wouldn’t take more than two toys. Moms would get up early in the morning to be first in line (Parent waits 28 hours for free toy giveaway) and push each other out of the way to get the best toys.” (Free toy giveaway program turns chaotic.)

“Some who knew the leaders had toys set aside for them.  I never knew why they were more special than me.”

“I did this year after year for just two toys.”

Not all holiday giving programs are like the ones described above. Many understand the needs of the recipients and affirm their dignity. Pride for Parents, for example, sells toys at affordable prices, instead of giving them away, believing families prefer to provide for themselves rather than receive a hand out.

“I wish the same enthusiasm and energy for giving my family a toy was replaced by a similar desire to be my friend.”

I’m astounded at the amount of food, clothes, and toys given away at this time of year. There’s something about the holidays that makes us do it.

While those who receive our gifts are crying out for relationship and dignity, we’re giving them dependency and humiliation instead.

In his book, Toxic Charity, Bob Lupton describes the common effects of our giving on the recipients:

Give once and you elicit appreciation;
Give twice and you create anticipation;
Give three times and you create expectation;
Give four times and it becomes entitlement;
Give five times and you establish dependency.

So with a shift toward relationship and dignity, I’d like to suggest alternative ways for us to engage the material poor this holiday season:

Take a drive – Do you know where those in need live in your city? Have you ever been to their neighborhoods? Drive there and see firsthand the areas where they live. Learn the names of the streets, the schools, the churches, the parks, and even the history of the neighborhoods. Pray for the people and for God to give opportunities for you to develop meaningful friendships with those in these communities.

Ride the bus – If you live in an urban area, this might not be a big deal, but pick a day to take the bus to work or into the city. Experience what it’s like not to have your own transportation. Pray for those on the bus with you and engage in conversation with the person sitting next to you. Learn his or her name and commit to praying for your new friend.

Invite a family in need to dinner – Whether it’s to join you for Thanksgiving or an evening in December, find a time in the midst of all the busyness to open your home for a family in need. And make sure you ask them to bring a dish to share.

Give someone a job – Need help around the house? Does your company have openings it needs to fill? Want to inspire and support someone in need to start a small business on the side? Consider ways you can give what many long for this holiday season…the dignity of work.

 For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sake he became poor, so that you through his poverty might become rich.
– 2 Corinthians 8:9

Jesus gave His life so that we who once were poor could have life.  I guess maybe we should do the same.

Leave a comment below…
What other ways should we thoughtfully care for people in need this Christmas season?

“SUFFERING IN SILENCE”

Everyday we encounter hundreds of men and women living with the shame and guilt of sexual abuse.  For many years I carried the shame and guilt of being raped at the age of five by a neighbor and “family friend”.  I suffered silently from the incest that my biological brothers and sisters committed against me until the age of fourteen.  Every week I went to school I thought, “Today is the day that someone is going to hear me screaming on the inside”.  That day never came.  Instead I suffered in silence and accepted my role as a helpless, unloved, unwanted victim in a poverty stricken dysfunctional family.

Evidence suggests:

• One out of every seven victims of child sexual abuse is age five or younger.
• 30 – 40% are abused by a family member.
• Over 90% of sexual offenders are someone the child knows and trusts – a parent or other relative, teacher, camp counselor, babysitter, or family friend.
• Only one in ten children who are abused will ever tell anyone.

The day I told my mother about the abuse she said, “Stop lying, your brother wouldn’t do that to you, now go to your room”.  I did what I was told and went into my room to find my brother waiting for me; for a second time.  Unfortunately, this was my life. Where was my place of refuge? Where was my safe place?  Ironically, I created it.  The safest place to escape was in an imaginary world of deceit and denial in the throes of my mind. This imaginary world became my reality for thirty years.  Although I was a living, breathing, soul, I was the walking dead.  The pain of living with a family that I desperately wanted to escape created a numbness to life and God.

Growing up I had a laundry list of questions. “Where is God and why is He allowing this to happen to me?”  What did I do to deserve this?  Why did my mother abandon me?  Why am I not good enough?  What’s wrong with me?  As a result, I developed a deep sense of hatred in my heart toward my family that consumed me for years and it presented itself in many unhealthy fashions in my life.

Remaining silent about the abuse is just as damaging as the abuse itself.  Anais Nin put it beautifully when she wrote, “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” When that day came for me I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.  It was a “welcomed” change.  I no longer wanted to live the life of a “victim”.  I wanted to rid myself of the pain that I was subjected to at the hands of those who should have nurtured and protected me.  I wanted to be “FREE“.  This freedom would come at the expense of exposing my family of many years of manipulation, control, and perversion.  Freedom was not a familiar term in my vocabulary but it was predicated upon the “truth”.  The “Truth” that had to confront my violators face to face. “And ye shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free.” (John 8:32) The day I gained my freedom, the screams of a “survivor” now as an adult woman reverberated like a Sunday morning church bell ringing from the depths of my soul.  I am a “Survivor” free from a life of bondage, deception and denial.  I am free from the years I lived my life feeling ashamed, guilty and alone.  Coming out and talking about sexual abuse is difficult, but we must have the courage to speak out to give a voice to those who are “Suffering in Silence”.  If this is your story, you are not alone.  Be encouraged and know that “Freedom” awaits you!

Shay Bethea – JfL Director of Training and Leadership Development

What’s In It For You?

Our bodies are about 60% water.  Since moving to TN, I have become more aware of that fact.  The summers are hot, and when navigating life during that time of the year – I tend to ‘melt’.  Replacing lost fluids is vital.

I’ll never forget that hot July afternoon when my friend Ken, bought me a cold drink.

“Big deal,” you say.  Happens all the time.  That’s what friends do for one another.  They are ‘aware’ of needs and they ‘bless’ one another. But this was a big deal – and it rocked my world.

Why was buying me a cold drink on a hot day a big deal?  It was because my friend Ken is a homeless man on the streets of Nashville.

Ken and I had met many months before this, and our friendship was growing as we spent more time together.  We had shared many a meal together, but in every instance before this, I provided – so this surprised me.  How do you respond when such an offer is made? (How will my response affect Ken?)

• “That’s really sweet Ken, but no, I’ll get it.” (The paternalistic: I have more than you and I know what’s best for the both of us)
• “Oh no, no, no, Ken, I can’t accept.” (The shaming: Don’t be a fool, save your money.  Don’t you know you you’re broke?)
• To cashier – “Please, don’t listen to him, I’ve got it.” (The proud: I’m the valuable one here – he doesn’t have anything for me that I can’t provide for myself)

In a flash of rare wisdom, or perhaps divine intervention, the urge to voice these objections died between my brain and my mouth, and my heart graciously received the surprising gift of a friend. “Thanks, Ken! That would be wonderful – what a blessing!”  (The grateful: You are a valued friend.)

In the gentle breeze of giving and grace, the dim embers of Ken’s value and dignity – smothered by past mistakes and current shame – ignited.  The conversation we had that day was deep and rich and meaningful.  We learned things about one another that we had not known before and when our time together ended, we were closer than when it started.  I felt blessed – and Jesus was there with us.

“The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.’” – Matthew 25:40 (NIV)

I don’t know about you, but I have always overlooked “brothers of mine.” Your translation may say “my brethren” or something of the like. What a difference those three words make!  In reality, Jesus identifies “the least of these” in relational terms. He calls them brothers (and sisters).

I’ve realized giving and serving are not really about doing things for Jesus – He is God, and if He wants something, He’ll have it.  This motive, at best, keeps us at arms-length.  With this perspective, I buy Ken a cold drink and have a fleeting feeling of goodness as I walk away from Ken.

Instead, giving and serving are invitations to be with Jesus. He is with his brothers and sisters in desperate need (materially, spiritually, relationally, physically, etc.). He is with you and me.  When we accept Jesus’ invitation and relationally come together to serve one another, Jesus reveals himself in new, deeper, life-changing, and life-giving ways. With this perspective, Ken provides for me. We give and receive from each other. And we walk away together in awe of Jesus.

When encouraging people to pursue friendship with the “least of these”, I’m often asked – and I love the honesty – “What’s in it for me?” Truth is, I don’t know – exactly.  This is relationship in a broken world and it’s a journey and it can be messy.  But I do believe that as you are with “the least of these,” you will get your cold drink on a hot day – it will be what you need, and it may come from the unlikeliest of places. Receive it with grace and in the midst of the refreshment, there will be joy.  And immediately, or perhaps at a later date, or maybe not until eternity, you will know that during that time you’d been with Jesus – because there is a new, a closer friendship you have with Him.

My friend, Pastor Kevin Riggs, puts it this way – “The more time I spend with people on the margins, the closer I get to God.”

What about you?

One last thing – I am not a Pastor or a Biblical Scholar.  My Pastor and friend, Scott Sauls is both.  In his blog post A Jesus-like Church Culture, Scott considers what aligning “our collective life and ministry to the life and ministry of Jesus” looks like.  It is a must-read.

– Marten Fadelle, Middle TN Field Director